By Jane Wenham-Jones
100 worthy and hilarious guidance for combating the flab and searching your most sensible from Jane Wenham-Jones, best-selling writer and columnist.
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Additional info for 100 Ways to Fight the Flab: The Wannabe Guide to a Better Bottom
A few drops of the blood of turtle doves in a small glass of wine. . hellebore and coltsfoot. . refrain from garlic, onions, sauerkraut. Insomnia: Take the grease from an ass 's ear-it matters not what kind of ass-and apply to the patient 's temples. Insanity: Cut the patient 's hair close to his head. . then cut a ram 's liver in two and bind it while yet warm on the patient 's head. Complete Insanity: . . take a freshly baked loaf of bread; remove the soft inner part and replace with a complete ox-brain; bind on the patient 's head and it will cure his brain and restore his mind.
Dr. Horst attributed this phenomenon to the boy having been born when the sun was in conjunction with Saturn, in the sign of Aries, and believed the special tooth portended a time of happiness and plenty for all. But because the tooth was ominously located on the lower left side of the jaw, the professor was concerned that the coming golden age was to be preceded by a dark era, marked by tumult and upheaval. The boy ' s story remained mired in controversy for a hundred years until Duncan Udell, a Scottish professor teaching in Germany, wrote his seminal Tractatus de dente aureo pueri Silesiani (1 695) and accompanying letters to his medical colleagues.
Touch upon the Ignorance, the A varice and the Strutting Vanity of the Doctors ofBasel. In case anyone missed the point, he also threw the doctors ' beloved medical classics into a bonfire and accused them of being frauds and money-grubbers. The good doctors of Basel and even Paracelsus ' s own medical students chased him out of town. Thus began years of wandering, and Paracelsus honed his craft. He learned that the stars caused disease through their exhalations and that orchids cured venereal disease because they looked like testicles.
100 Ways to Fight the Flab: The Wannabe Guide to a Better Bottom by Jane Wenham-Jones