By Tony Hawks
'If you needed to decide belongings you sought after -- if you happen to needed to -- what could you pick?' I hesitated. This was once a much bigger query than frequently obtained requested at those post-match debriefs. 'I feel the sincere resolution could be,' I acknowledged, nonetheless getting access to the final items of required information from a jumbled brain, 'meeting my soul mate, and discovering an idyllic apartment out of the country somewhere.' encouraged through breathtaking perspectives and romantic desires of discovering love within the mountains, Tony Hawks abruptly buys a home within the French Pyrenees. the following, he plans to eventually fulfil his adolescence fable of getting to know the piano, untroubled by means of the issues of the area. in truth, the chaotic tale of Tony's hopelessly ill-conceived apartment buy reads just like the definitive consultant to how to not purchase a home abroad. It reveals him flirting with the removing company in a disastrous try to delivery his piano to France in a dodgy white van; foolishly electing to construct a swimming pool himself; and increasing his courting repertoire whilst he starts off co-habiting, no longer with a gorgeous French good looks, yet with a middle-aged builder from West London. As Tony and his acquaintances haplessly try and healthy into village existence, they research extra approximately themselves and every except they ever imagined.
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Extra resources for A Piano In the Pyrenees: The Ups and Downs of an Englishman in the French Mountains
3. Satan’s horns are actually implants. He got them at a body-piercing studio on Melrose. 4. Satan does not have normal desires. He’s completely different from anyone you’d meet on earth. He actually liked Sex & the City 2. 5. Many of the things we know about Satan are false. For example, Luther (that would be Martin Luther, not Luther Vandross) recommended that we enjoy music because the devil cannot stand gaiety. Not true; he just doesn’t like certain types of music. The only music you’re allowed to listen to in Satan’s presence are Paris Hilton’s album, “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd, and KISS tracks from the no-makeup years.
My life passed before my eyes. Then Tom Cruise’s life passed before my eyes. I would tell you what that was like, but who needs that lawsuit? Then it was back to my life as I tried to remember every bad thing I had done. Telling the blind person the light said “walk”? Not being kind and not rewinding once in the 1980s? Giving News of the World and Rupert Murdoch a way to hack into my office voice-mail system? Moving copies of Hustler magazine into the Oprah section of the bookstore? Even worse, moving copies of O, The Oprah Magazine to the adult section?
You will then have to repeat this every day for eternity. As I took all this in, I wondered why I had been allowed into Satan’s Throne Room. Was it to meet El Jefe? But Satan wasn’t using the throne when I got there. Turns out my meeting with him was just minutes away. . Meeting Satan I woke up the first morning in hell, in what seemed to be a Motel 6 room . . except no one had left the lights on. The reason I’m pretty sure it was a Motel 6 is when my eyes got accustomed to the dim light, I saw Tom Bodett sitting in the easy chair.
A Piano In the Pyrenees: The Ups and Downs of an Englishman in the French Mountains by Tony Hawks